I need a laugh. Let the puns begin.

Very sad story. Poor kitten, where did it go after firing? Hopefully, someone adopted it...

Took a sideways promotion into the buying department, and is now head of purr-chasing?

 You gotta be kitten me...

No mewoetter what - I hope the kitten continued the luxury life it used to, thank to the secretary.

The cat had the purrfect job and the secretary ruined it.

That's just clawful!

My ill-considered pun has really put the cat amongst the pigeons. Perhaps the forum needs a new claws added to the Ts & Cs to prevent this type of thing?

Maybe we all need to paws for a moment, and think about what we've done. I fully accept my part in this, and will admonish myself with a Cat o' Nine Tails.

:oops2:

(Sorry again, Simon. I'll stop steering the thread off-topic now :thumbup:)

My ill-considered pun has really put the cat amongst the pigeons. Perhaps the forum needs a new claws added to the Ts & Cs to prevent this type of thing?

Maybe we all need to paws for a moment, and think about what we've done. I fully accept my part in this, and will admonish myself with a Cat o' Nine Tails.

 

:oops2:

 

(Sorry again, Simon. I'll stop steering the thread off-topic now :thumbup:)

Hey pHruit, you're not steering the thread off-topic, you're keeping it up and damn cheerful! These catastrophically purrplexed days must be broken with some joy :shades:

I'm pawsitive that the puns will keep me from feline sad on this Friday. Hopefully it will whisker me away to the weekend and the weather will be purrfect.

My ill-considered pun has really put the cat amongst the pigeons. Perhaps the forum needs a new claws added to the Ts & Cs to prevent this type of thing?

Maybe we all need to paws for a moment, and think about what we've done. I fully accept my part in this, and will admonish myself with a Cat o' Nine Tails.

 

:oops2:

 

(Sorry again, Simon. I'll stop steering the thread off-topic now :thumbup:)

I like the idea. Simon - you should separate out the pun comments and put it into a new post called something like - I need a laugh. Let the puns begin.

I had a chat with Simon, and this thread has been spun out as a repository for general off-topic nonsense, the theory being that it may help keep some other threads slightly more on track, given that some of us can't be trusted. Admittedly several of those some of us are me.

This is therefore the place to post your awful puns, general off-topic ramblings, or to ask for help if you've got a problem with L. monocatogenes ;)

I'm all fur a fun topic thread.

Tail-e ho!

This will be dog gone fun/the cats meow. I udderly can't wait.

Someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo pole

I mean, how low can you go!!!!

Oh, now we're doing a poetry, eh? Ok - they could go as low as to exhume old mummy perfume! (I'm not good at it in English - unlike Russian:))

Can't quite put my finger on why, but having read Scampi's post I'm suddenly feeling inclined to message Simon and retract my previous message suggesting this thread was a good idea :ejut:

Completely unrelated, but have any of you ever wondered if Tolkien's Lord of the Rings is actually an allegorical story about food safety?
Perhaps Sauron isn't a literal evil demigod; he's chasing the ring because he's a world-weary QA Manager who is fed up of people who for some inexplicable reason keep trying to wear their ******* jewellery in production, and is portrayed this way because some of the floor staff hate QA getting on their case about it. Aragorn and Gandalf are production managers whose power comes from being infamously difficult to deal with, and this scares the junior QA staff. Gollum isn't saying "gollum" in his throat; it's a mistranscription and he's actually an internal auditor who has had to explain basic food safety so many times that uttering the phrase "HACCP" makes him choke.

It all makes perfect sense, or at least it did when I thought of it while doing an induction on the hygiene policy with a new starter earlier. Maybe I need to get more sleep?

pHruit, you need more Harry Potter! That would switch your wits to an alternate direction. 

pHruit, you need more Harry Potter! That would switch your wits to an alternate direction. 

Snape is the QA Manager here.   :giggle:

Snape is the QA Manager here.   :giggle:

That's my favorite personage after Hagrid! 

Can't quite put my finger on why, but having read Scampi's post I'm suddenly feeling inclined to message Simon and retract my previous message suggesting this thread was a good idea :ejut:

 

Was my pun to low!!!!!!!!   I could do this all day!

The other day I was talking to myself..........................................................................................................and I knew it was me 'cause I recognized the voice

The other day I was talking to myself..........................................................................................................and I knew it was me 'cause I recognized the voice

That not the scariest sign of insanity: worse would be if you COULDN'T recognize your voice when you talk to yourself :gleam:

pHruit, you need more Harry Potter! That would switch your wits to an alternate direction. 

Please don't encourage me.

Before you know it, I'll have written a (terrible) fanfiction, where the Deathly Hallows are three of the IFSQN Member of the Month prizes.

In isolation their power is significant - with the pen one may take diligent notes during internal audits, with the torch one can find those little corners that people miss during cleaning that could harbour unsavoury things, and with the mug one can stay hydrated and maintain optimal brain function to ensure that food safety systems are always running at their best.

The real power is revealed when all three items are combined, and the wielder then has the ability to overcome their evil nemesis, Listeriamort, and his legions of followers, the "QA-said-we-can't-release-this-but-it-looks-fine-to-me-eaters", who are easily identified by visible tattoos that aren't covered because they're not wearing the correct PPE.

:ejut:

Please don't encourage me.

Before you know it, I'll have written a (terrible) fanfiction, where the Deathly Hallows are three of the IFSQN Member of the Month prizes.

In isolation their power is significant - with the pen one may take diligent notes during internal audits, with the torch one can find those little corners that people miss during cleaning that could harbour unsavoury things, and with the mug one can stay hydrated and maintain optimal brain function to ensure that food safety systems are always running at their best.

The real power is revealed when all three items are combined, and the wielder then has the ability to overcome their evil nemesis, Listeriamort, and his legions of followers, the "QA-said-we-can't-release-this-but-it-looks-fine-to-me-eaters", who are easily identified by visible tattoos that aren't covered because they're not wearing the correct PPE.

 

:ejut:

You forgot the dementors. The people who try and suck the energy out of you and everyone else with their negativity. 

Following this fanfic thread, does that mean the Doctor is a QA manager and all of the aliens he fights personifications of microbiological hazards?  With the Daleks being listeria because they keep coming back, even after you think they've been eradicated.  And I think the Cybermen would need to be salmonella, because they are hardy too.  I just can't remember who the Silence would be...

Silence is e coli

I see the FDA are investigating another e coli in flour recall---------------testing cake mixes trying to find it

Sneaky sneaky that e coli