19 replies to this topic

[Mike Green]

I'm just in the process of searching for a replacement (used) vehicle -having looked at quite a few adverts-& quite a few vehicles -there seems to be a considerable difference between what they are advertised as-and what they are actually like!

 

So I've started to list of translations of common phrases used by sellers in advertisements & there real meanings

 

'Aircon fine just  needs regassing' = compressor is shot

 

' has no faults I am aware of' = I'm not very observant

 

'flew through MOT with no advisories' = my brother is the MOT tester

 

average mileage for year = average for a taxi

 

one careful lady owner = the careful lady owned it-but her 'not so careful' son drove it

 

normal wear & tear = it is normal to have reversed into a tree isn't it?-I do it all the time in this car!

 

Huge pile of receipts for work carried out= it's falling to pieces and I'm selling it before it breaks again

 

Not bad on fuel=  not bad,compared to a jumbo jet

 

4 legal tyres = just about enough tread to get you home

 

maintained regardless of cost= i put a new air freshener in the front and the back yesterday

 

Fully prepared & detailed = threw a bucket of water over it, sprayed the inside with air freshener and painted the tyre walls

 

no nasty knocks or rattles= I always drive with the stereo on full blast so I can't here them

 

mileage believed to be genuine = I know it's not but there is no way you can tell

 

 used as a second car- only been out of the garage twice this year & the battery is shot & the brakes are seized

 

Please feel free to add more!

 

Mike

 

 

[cazyncymru]

Lmao!

How about "German Engineered" - Skoda!!

(Mine is German engineered, but not a Skoda)

Or a good one I heard recently " Mini by BMW" - considering BMW bought out mini a few years back, makes sense!


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[Mike Green]

Lmao!

How about "German Engineered" - Skoda!!

(Mine is German engineered, but not a Skoda)


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lol-reminds me of the old sheep joke! (though I don't think they're quite as bad now)

 

I always remember the 'above all-it's a Chevrolet' advert (when infact the car in question was a rebranded model from (bankrupt) Daewoo )

 

Mike

[Mike Green]

and a few more to complete my current set.......

 

 

100% genuine private seller = I’m a dealer

 

100% honest description= I’m about to lie to you

 

I would drive this vehicle anywhere= It probably would break down…. but  I have breakdown cover

 

 5.7 litre V8…. but surprisingly cheap to run= I’m selling because I can’t afford the fuel

 

Reluctant sale = I’m emotionally attached to it but have to sell cos it’s a wreck

 

Low mileage for year = it’s so unreliable I rarely use it

 

Clean example of the marque =I washed it yesterday

 

Sold with a range of spare parts=  stuff I should have replaced already but can’t be bothered

 

Gets attention/turns heads wherever it goes = it produces a lot of noise & clouds of black exhaust smoke

 

Fair condition for year = you can take your chances… but I wouldn’t drive it if you paid me

 

You won’t find a better example of this model anywhere = they are all equally cr*p

 

dvd player & screens untested= I’ve tried & tried & I can’t get them to work

 

7 service stamps in the book= it hadn’t been serviced at all when i bought it-but fortunately I own a stamp

 

It's an import but parts are readily available in the Uk = they cost a fortune

 

Mike

[Mr. Incognito]

100% honest description= I’m about to lie to you

 

 

Mike

 

I've found in life that the people who say they are completely honest trustworthy people are either truly honest people or the most lying sacks of crap I've ever met.

 

Speaking of that I'm the most honest person you've ever met

[Mike Green]

I've found in life that the people who say they are completely honest trustworthy people are either truly honest people or the most lying sacks of crap I've ever met.

 

 

I find that a person who is truly an honest  person would never even think that they had to announce it to you

 

( my rule of thumb : any sentence that starts 'In all honesty....' -is going to contain at least one lie! )

 

 

 

Speaking of that I'm the most honest person you've ever met

funnily enough-that was exactly the impression I got of you- ha ha!

 

Mike

[Mr. Incognito]

funnily enough-that was exactly the impression I got of you- ha ha!

 

Mike

 

Well then I'm happy to live up to expectations   

[Snookie]

Our beloved mini-van just recently died.    Can't really complain other than normal maintenance we had very little go wrong and it died at 188K.  But that is why I like to buy a good model and then take care it.  Can't believe that I would ever drive a mini-van or be sad to see it go, but it was a great car, held a ton of stuff, was roomy and we had so much fun in that car.  We hugged it before we left it.

 

Mike....glad you figured out Mr. I.    

[Mike Green]

Our beloved mini-van just recently died.    Can't really complain other than normal maintenance we had very little go wrong and it died at 188K.  But that is why I like to buy a good model and then take care it.  Can't believe that I would ever drive a mini-van or be sad to see it go, but it was a great car, held a ton of stuff, was roomy and we had so much fun in that car.  We hugged it before we left it.

 

 

Excellent!- In 1988 I bought a car from a guy about 35 miles away ( a very nice Ford Granada 2.8i  actually) & for a couple of years after he used to write a letter to it every now & again! (not joking here!)

 

 

 

 

Mike....glad you figured out Mr. I.    

Yup - I can honestly say that I've read every one of his 1000+ posts and (honestly) each one is better than the last- when (ok, if) I grow up I want to be just like him (these are  all 100% genuine honest comments)  by the way-does anyone want to buy a used car?

 

Mike

[Snookie]

Excellent!- In 1988 I bought a car from a guy about 35 miles away ( a very nice Ford Granada 2.8i  actually) & for a couple of years after he used to write a letter to it every now & again! (not joking here!)

 

Now I understand it.  We are still missing our mini-van and want to buy another.  The car we just bought is not the same. 

 

 

Yup - I can honestly say that I've read every one of his 1000+ posts and (honestly) each one is better than the last- when (ok, if) I grow up I want to be just like him (these are  all 100% genuine honest comments)  by the way-does anyone want to buy a used car?

 

Okay now I am concerned and no......

[Mike Green]

Now I understand it.  

 

 I do like my current vehicle a lot....but I would never consider sending it  a postcard when I was on holiday!........ I find it quite amusing now looking back........... but at the time I thought the guy should have been sectioned under the Mental Heath Act!

 

 

Mike

[fgjuadi]

Do you use Craigslist to buy cars on that side too?

 

Dead at 188k?!  I buy cars when they hit that .  That way they only cost $500 - $1000.  And you learn how to do things, like clean an air filter with your mouth on the side of the road, or get it started with a screwdriver, or what those little fuses do and how to replace them, where all the liquids go.......      I can start any Buick Regal with pantyhose and a stick of gum.

Edited by magenta_majors, 13 October 2014 - 07:34 PM.

[Mike Green]

Do you use Craigslist to buy cars on that side too?

 

 

 No craigslist- but no shortage of  clapped out vehicles!

 

 

  And you learn how to do things, like clean an air filter with your mouth on the side of the road,

 

      I can start any Buick Regal with pantyhose and a stick of gum.

  Excellent.....! ....Welcome back from your long weekend!!!!!!!......you see this is the kind of input we need on this forum- interesting and practical alternative uses for everyday items ! (is there a youtube video?? ha ha)

 

Mike

Edited by Mike Green, 13 October 2014 - 08:15 PM.

[Snookie]

.

Edited by Snookie, 13 October 2014 - 09:55 PM.

[Snookie]

Do you use Craigslist to buy cars on that side too?

 

Dead at 188k?!  I buy cars when they hit that .  That way they only cost $500 - $1000.  And you learn how to do things, like clean an air filter with your mouth on the side of the road, or get it started with a screwdriver, or what those little fuses do and how to replace them, where all the liquids go.......      I can start any Buick Regal with pantyhose and a stick of gum.

 

I used to do that too.  I used to love to work on cars.  My husband likes to brag that when we got married he not only got me he got  Craftsmen tools! 

 

My first car was a 1960 pink 4 door rambler that I paid 100.00 for.  Body and interior was in great shape but had to change the head gasket which was rather fun and not hard on a flat head 6 cylinder.  Drove until transmission gave out ( I'm not good at rebuilding transmissions or carburetors) .  So sorry I sold it but I was kid and did not realize what I had. 

 

I've fixed too many cars on the side of a Southern California freeway which is not for the faint of heart. 

 

Ah well.....now just want someone else to do it. 

Edited by Snookie, 13 October 2014 - 10:01 PM.

[fgjuadi]

I used to do that too.  I used to love to work on cars.  My husband likes to brag that when we got married he not only got me he got  Craftsmen tools! 

 

My first car was a 1960 pink 4 door rambler that I paid 100.00 for.  Body and interior was in great shape but had to change the head gasket which was rather fun and not hard on a flat head 6 cylinder.  Drove until transmission gave out ( I'm not good at rebuilding transmissions or carburetors) .  So sorry I sold it but I was kid and did not realize what I had. 

 

I've fixed too many cars on the side of a Southern California freeway which is not for the faint of heart. 

 

Ah well.....now just want someone else to do it. 

Remember when we thought all cars took was gas?   My terrible car adventures ended when the mechanic who was willing to fix stuff for a six pack cuz he was in love with my boss took up a nasty meth habit and I wasn't able to trust him.  One time he fabricated a muffler for me in exchange for putting his kids play set together.  Now that I have to pay for things, and get to work on time every day, I have to own an adult's car. But I can still take out the spray paint and give it a fresh coat of plaid every now and then.

[Snookie]

I put a muffler on with a belt.........it got me home without a ticket........

[Snookie]

 I do like my current vehicle a lot....but I would never consider sending it  a postcard when I was on holiday!........ I find it quite amusing now looking back........... but at the time I thought the guy should have been sectioned under the Mental Heath Act!

 

 

Mike

 

I wouldn't write notes to my  mini-van.....but I would hug it again!

[RG3]

 .......      I can start any Buick Regal with pantyhose and a stick of gum.

Sounds like Magenta_Majors is either one of our mechanics or MacGyver.

[Mike Green]

 

 

My first car was a 1960 pink 4 door rambler that I paid 100.00 for.  Body and interior was in great shape but had to change the head gasket which was rather fun and not hard on a flat head 6 cylinder.  Drove until transmission gave out ( I'm not good at rebuilding transmissions or carburetors) .  So sorry I sold it but I was kid and did not realize what I had. 

 

 

My first car was a bright yellow early 70's Mk1 Ford Escort Mexico -(cost £100 -would be worth £35k now restored!)

 

In the first week I was driving past my work building (windows down, arm out the window, £5 stereo blaring, sunglasses on ....looking r-e-a-l-l-y c-o-o-l) -when, without warning, the drivers seat went through the floor & I dissappeared with it down the hole (infront of my boss & a few colleagues)-it took a long time to live that one down!

 

I couldn't afford to get the hole fixed, so I put a couple of pry bars across  & balanced the seat on them (and wore plastic bags on my feet when it rained)- ah the good old days!

 

Mike