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Dear QuAbby - A QA Advice Column

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fgjuadi

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Posted 21 March 2014 - 12:39 AM

Hi

 

Can we have an advice columnist that answers letters about QA woes once a week, in a hilarious way like Thatz not okay or Savage Love? Sometimes I want to write salacious letter to them, but they, being non-QAs, would never understand.  Then Dear QuAbby would answer and the forum members could comment.  Here are some things not specifically related to standards but more to QA Specfic frustrations that  I imagine people would write -

 

Dear QuAbby,

 

I have a smelly female employee with moustache hairs, how do I break it to her that she needs a beard net?

 

Dear QuAbby,

 

My boss brings his living animal to work and it violates my pest control policy, which has a clause and corrective action procedure for removal of domestic animals.  Can I remove the clause and be in compliance with ISO 9001:2008?  I can, right?

 

Dear QuAbby,

My pest control guy hugged me and then asked me out the other day, but he totaly found my indian meal moth infestation and came in for our audits, so I don't want to fire him.  Akward! Shoudl I take the leap to a new pest control service, or endure low level sexual harassment but grade A service?

 

Dear QuAbby,

 

The Plant Manager is "fishing off the comany pole/ dipping the pen in company ink / getting his honey where he gets his money"  with the IT intern, and he's making us use her terrible, broken Excel spreadsheets with outdated hyperlinks and 3 page long formulas that suddenly stop working and reference sheets in other files FOR COAS AND BATCH SHEETS. Everything is coming to a grinding halt.  Product Spec sheets are next! She reset the draft version to 0 on all of my sharepoint files, so I have to go manually load them versions number of times.  How do I tell him she sucks without getting myself fired?

 

Dear QuAbbey,

 

Our parts guy and our top technician are in a relationship, and he's married and the tech is pregnant with his baby, and his wife came to work to deliver a dozen roses to him with divorce papers, plus they're both super dramatic and emotive personalities.  How long should they be allowed to talk to each other in the parts cage? 5 min?  Do we need an SOP or can I just tell the production manager to suck it up? Is it okay to laugh or do I have to pretend to care about their personal lives?


Edited by magenta_majors, 21 March 2014 - 01:14 AM.

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Tony-C

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Posted 21 March 2014 - 04:32 AM

Dear QuAbby,

I have a smelly female employee with moustache hairs, how do I break it to her that she needs a beard net?

Dear QANeedsHelp

Do the same as I have done for my wife, buy her a gift set, complete with deodorant, shaving foam and a razor.


Dear QuAbby,

My boss brings his living animal to work and it violates my pest control policy, which has a clause and corrective action procedure for removal of domestic animals.  Can I remove the clause and be in compliance with ISO 9001:2008?  I can, right?

Dear QANeedsHelp,

Poison the dog. No sorry I like dogs, poison your boss.

 
Dear QuAbby,

My pest control guy hugged me and then asked me out the other day, but he totaly found my indian meal moth infestation and came in for our audits, so I don't want to fire him.  Akward! Shoudl I take the leap to a new pest control service, or endure low level sexual harassment but grade A service?

Dear QANeedsHelp,

Get yourself down the gym so that next time he hugs you he gets at least 3 cracked ribs.

 

Dear QuAbby,
 
The Plant Manager is "fishing off the comany pole/ dipping the pen in company ink / getting his honey where he gets his money"  with the IT intern, and he's making us use her terrible, broken Excel spreadsheets with outdated hyperlinks and 3 page long formulas that suddenly stop working and reference sheets in other files FOR COAS AND BATCH SHEETS. Everything is coming to a grinding halt.  Product Spec sheets are next! She reset the draft version to 0 on all of my sharepoint files, so I have to go manually load them versions number of times.  How do I tell him she sucks without getting myself fired?

Dear QANeedsHelp,

Jealousy will get you nowhere. Blow up her computer or pray that she gets pregnant and goes on maternity leave.

Dear QuAbby,

Our parts guy and our top technician are in a relationship, and he's married and the tech is pregnant with his baby, and his wife came to work to deliver a dozen roses to him with divorce papers, plus they're both super dramatic and emotive personalities.  How long should they be allowed to talk to each other in the parts cage? 5 min?  Do we need an SOP or can I just tell the production manager to suck it up? Is it okay to laugh or do I have to pretend to care about their personal lives?

Dear QANeedsHelp,

Install a cold shower in the parts cage that automatically comes on after 5 minutes.



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cazyncymru

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Posted 21 March 2014 - 10:45 AM

LMAO!

 

M-M / Tony you have put a smile on my face!!

 

I've just had a run in with one of our production guys, and to say I'm raving, ready to hit someone, slamming doors etc is an understatement!

Positive thing is that he probably won't talk to me for at least a fortnight! Bonus!!

 

I'm going to find some work to do, as I obviously don't have enough to do!

 

Caz x



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Posted 21 March 2014 - 03:31 PM

:roflmao:     Thank you, thank you, thank you.   I needed a laugh this morning! 


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Charles.C

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Posted 21 March 2014 - 04:30 PM

Star Thread ! :thumbup: (albeit a little Ramboistic perhaps)

 

Shades of Morecambe and Wise ? :biggrin:

 

clip

 

Rgds / Charles.C


Kind Regards,

 

Charles.C


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Posted 21 March 2014 - 11:27 PM

So when can we expect our first column? 


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Simon

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Posted 22 March 2014 - 02:09 PM

Tony you got the job. :lol:


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Snookie

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Posted 24 March 2014 - 07:28 PM

The shower in the parts cage was ingenious.  The gift set for the wife could be dangerous.  :roflmao:


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Tony-C

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Posted 25 March 2014 - 10:00 PM

Tony you got the job. :lol:

 

Not a problem if you set it up.

 

Regards,

 

Tony



fgjuadi

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 01:12 AM

Where do I send my juicy anonymous letters?


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Tony-C

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 02:27 PM

Where do I send my juicy anonymous letters?

 

You and other members can send them to me by PM for now and I'll talk to Simon about whether we do a weekly column.

 

Regards,

 

Tony



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StarGroup

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 09:35 PM

A weekly column AND a invite to forward all questions on to ya!





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